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Watch the Sky by ~boxingrebellion:iconboxingrebellion:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Nature > Open




Too close for comfort,
watch the sky;
rip the safety belts
from bucket seats
and fly, fly, fly,
follow the dandelion
fluff and pursue it to
the blue,
blow away, light
as love at first sight,
see what I can make of you.
Confront the breeze
and tease out secrets
from fresh tops of trees
hold my hand, please,
promise I won’t
squeeze to hard
against your limits
throw yourself down
and just be in it
©2003-2009 ~boxingrebellion
:iconboxingrebellion:

Author's Comments

I really have no idea what I was doing with this. Added the last couple of lines yesterday... it's way perkier than stuff I usually write, and I don't think I like it. Tell me how to make it better :D

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconrusted-angel:
~rusted-angel Sep 22, 2003, 6:25:41 AM
that's kind of cool... very dreamy... like... i don't know... ceasing to care and just flowing along with nature... like ladedadeda i'm a leaf, blowin' in the wind, ho hum. *sigh*


or something. i like.

-ali
:iconfairyinboots:
~fairyinboots Sep 22, 2003, 8:39:46 AM
Very flowy... train of thought kinda stuff. The images throughout at first struck me as harmonious, but as I re-read it a couple times, there seemed to be some conflicting/contrasted concepts, which are well placed. Unless I'm missing a lot, the message is as light and airy as the subject matter. Feel-good stuff, indeed...

--
:|:|:|:|:|:|:psychotic::|:|
-~DV8~-
:icon-failurebydesign:
~-failurebydesign Sep 22, 2003, 11:24:24 AM
I love it! It some how reminded me of (Puff the magic dragon, lives by the sea...) but I dunno how. I love the connection with nature. It's my favorite type of poetry.

--
I am [(Anti)Thesis]
-- --
:iconspottysalamander:
~spottysalamander Sep 22, 2003, 2:13:01 PM
i dont love the last line, but otherwise i think its good...

--
Love, Ceci
:iconlost-but-found:
~lost-but-found Sep 22, 2003, 2:29:31 PM
i looove the metaphors! they're so purdy!

--
take it as it comes
:iconokami-no-oni:
~okami-no-oni Sep 22, 2003, 3:58:54 PM
I liked this entire thing, especially the ryhme scheme. I thought that was unique! The metaphors were great as well. Excellent work!

--
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And I was left on the verge of death.
:iconboxingrebellion:
~boxingrebellion Sep 24, 2003, 1:52:55 AM
... we all love blowing in the wind, don't we :) thanks for the feedback, as always.

--
"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be."

:: Kurt Vonnegut ::
:iconboxingrebellion:
~boxingrebellion Sep 24, 2003, 1:54:12 AM
Nope, you nailed it :D Props for looking closely. You picked up on a lot of stuff I didn't know if people would bother to see, so thanks *even more* for the comment. :hug: I need to write more stuff so you can comment more on it.

--
"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be."

:: Kurt Vonnegut ::
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